I graduated from college 10 years ago this month and subsequently entered “real life”. As a result, I have been thinking over the past few weeks what advice I would give my 22 year old (naïve) self as in “If I only knew then what I know now”:
1. Enjoy being a size 0. You will never see that again.
2. When you are living by yourself, watching Bridget Jones’ Diary, drinking red wine every night, lamenting that you will be a spinster, stop it. You will meet your husband at age 24.
3. Bring Mr. home earlier to meet the family so when you call and tell your Dad you’re engaged, his response is not “What is his last name again?”
4. Avoid sending slightly questionable e-mails while you are engaged. For those of you that received one of these gems, I am sorry.
5. More wedding related advice: spend, spend, spend on your wedding. Don’t question it. It is all worth it. Mr. will agree.
6. One more: the night before your wedding take a sleeping pill, chamomile tea, have someone knock you over the head. If not, you will only get an hour of sleep and you will be a wet blanket during the morning getting ready festivities… On second thought, being a wet blanket is your usual MO so maybe it wouldn’t make a difference.
7. When you and Mr. go to purchase your first home, keep looking. Yes, that “no assessments” party line is too good to be true and it will cause more trouble than it’s worth.
8. When out to dinner with Bro J and SIL H on that fateful February night, stop after two glasses of wine. It will be better for everyone.
9. When they ask if you want the tall or short glass for your gin and tonic, say short. If you get the tall one, you will end up throwing up in the bar, next to your mailbox, outside your apartment building….
10. Yes, tell that co-worker who wants to room with you that you will. She is crazy like you suspect but lives with you only for a month and the stories she leaves you with, you will be telling people for years to come.
11. You know all those stomach problems you have? They can be solved by setting down the McDonald’s and picking up a salad.
12. Skip The Ring... And Gangs of New York... And Superbad.... And the country of Belgium.
13. Wear sunscreen in Vegas. Lots of it. What are you thinking?
14. Don’t wear those flip flop slippers around the house. They will leave your foot in incurable pain for months, maybe years, and leave you with the threat of wearing old lady shoes before your time.
15. Don’t even try to run the JP Morgan Chase Corporate Challenge. You won’t be able to speak for 30 minutes afterwards and you will just barely escape losing your lunch in front of all your co-workers.
16. Don’t even consider taking the CFA exam. You will fail miserably, you don’t need this for your “career”, and you won’t be able to get those months of studying back... EVER.
17. When you are contemplating a career change at 25, go for it, and instead of what you were thinking, go to pastry school. It’s a lot harder to change once you are saddled with a mortgage payment and you will lament at age 32 that you can’t just chuck it all and open up a bake and tea shop.
18. Don’t order your couch from Crate & Barrel. The delivery men are jerks to the point you and Mr. will drive straight to the store once they leave, complain, and start crying to the sales lady. Even that $100 gift certificate and apology letter they send you won’t make up for it.
19. After you take the doors down in your house in order to paint the trim, when you go to put them back up, take the pin out, attach part of the hinge to the door jamb, hold up the door aligning the two hinge parts, reinsert pin. Don’t try screwing the complete hinge into the door jamb with the door still attached. The fighting that ensures from the pain of doing this will almost result in a divorce.
20. The Mega Millions winning numbers on May 4, 2010 are 9, 21, 31, 36, 43, Mega Ball # 8.
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