Another Day, Another Diaper

As you know, Mr. and I are childfree. A typical Saturday night in our house involves dinner, snoozing on the couch, watching something like 48 Hours Mysteries, having teas and treats, eventually going to bed. Very low key.

Recently, however, we got a glimpse into how the other half lives when Coach and Feisty left their 7 month old, Buggy, in our care for an evening. That Saturday went something like this:

5:15 Coach and Feisty leave.

5:30 I feed Buggy. They said to burp her half way through but, honestly, she screamed too much, so I let her slide. She did burp at the end though.

6:00 We order Chinese.

6:00-7:00 We play with Buggy who is the best baby ever. She rarely cries which is heavenly to people like us who are not used to dealing with bambinos. At one point during this hour, however, she had such a stuffy nose that I attempted to suck it out with that weirdo baby nose cleaning device. She screamed. I stopped. (Are you noticing a pattern?)

7:00 We put Buggy in her bouncy and dove into our Chinese.

7:04 I realize Mr. and I can never have a child together because he would never again know a moment of peace and I would be driven mad (ok madder) in the process. Case in point:

Buggy was on the floor right next to us with lots of toys to keep her occupied. She was easily visible and we could still talk to her but yet Mr. kept getting up to check that she was doing OK.

Me: She is fine, just let her be and eat.
Him: I am just making sure.

Repeat.

Repeat again.

One more time.

And again.

And once more.

7:30 We finish dinner and go to play with Buggy.

Me: Oh hey Buggy! What are you doing?
Mr.: What is all over her?
Me: Huh?
Me: Oh no!

Little Buggy decided we were boring and felt the need to spice up her evening by having a major blowout in her bouncy.

Enter the Keystone Cops.

Mr. had never before changed a diaper so this was initiation by fire.

I picked up Buggy and tried to think of the best room to change her in. Certainly not our carpeted family room… The bathroom floors would be too hard… I briefly considered driving her to the wedding her parents were attending and handing her over... I settled on the hardwood in the guest bedroom (on a changing pad of course).

I’ll save you the gross details but the fact this came out of a baby was quite alarming. Debris was EVERYWHERE!!!!! Meaning we had to get her out of those clothes. Whoever thought having a baby shirt with snaps at the bottom so you have to pull said shirt over her head is an idiot. Mr. and I had an intellectual conversation on how to get this shirt off her body without getting poop all over her head or ripping the shirt in half. We came up with a plan. It failed.

In the interim, I was yelling at Mr. to

1. Get some kind of bag to put the dirty diaper and wipes in.
2. Get some kind of bag to put the clothes in.

This was a bit of a debacle as he ran around the house like he hadn't lived here for three years and didn't know exactly where the bags were but eventually he got it together.

We were getting dangerously close to using up all the wipes so we decided to hose Buggy down because we didn’t see how we could get all the ick off her otherwise.

I might add during all this, she was very complacent and just chilled. I think she knew were novices at baby clean up.

8:00 She was cleaned and ready to go and we all hung out relaxing, reading. and watching Lifetime movies.

8:30 Repeat feeding experience from earlier.

9:30 She fell asleep. We had teas and pumpkin coffee cake.

10:00 I said to Mr. “Coach and Feisty wanted us to put her in that sleep sack. Should we change her?”
Mr: But she is sleeping.
Me: But we should put her in that because they said so.

We decided to give it a go.

Now, I managed to get outfit two off without waking her. Yeah! Then, ugg, we noticed the changed color of her diaper indicating she was wet. Damn you technology!

We briefly considered looking away and acting like we didn’t see that but we couldn’t do it.

Here she woke up. I was off getting wipes (aka turned my head to get one) and Mr. started yelling. Yeah, she was performing her impression of Old Faithful.

Then, in our haste to put the diaper on and stop the flow, we put it on backwards.

10:30 Bugs is rediapered, in a sleepsack and chilling with us on the couch.

11:00 Me and Buggy are snoozing. Mr. is on the computer.

12:00 Coach and Feisty return.

A few parting thoughts:
1. It took six hours of babysitting but we have become those people who talk about nothing but baby bathroom habits and send an annoying amount of baby pictures (and OK maybe a video or two) around to our family and friends.
2. Minus the bathroom debacles, we did pretty much the same things we do every Saturday.
3. Adding in the bathroom debacles, that was the most exciting Saturday night we have had in a while.