The Body Human

One of Mrs.’ favorite activities is getting the mail. In fact, on a list of her favorite things, I think it’s third after only chocolate and snoozing. Last weekend after her daily trip to the mailbox she came inside and yelled downstairs to me something like, “What is this you’re getting in the mail? I don’t think I can let you have this magazine.” What disgusting filth was being delivered to me via USPS? That’s right, it was my ESPN The Magazine.

The arrival of ESPN The Magazine usually passes without incident, and rightly so. But this particular week was the “body issue”, in which the magazine features athletes wearing . . . well, nothing. Of course all of the pictures are strategically posed, so it’s all very PG-13. I can only assume that ESPN came up with this gimmick as an answer to Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue. And while I’m sure it’s not without controversy, I don’t think there’s anything to get worked up about. The magazine features as many men in the buff as it does women, and it’s nothing the kids aren’t seeing on television these days anyway. But Mrs. seemed concerned I would be corrupted by this rampant partial nudity, and I'm sure it didn’t help that the cover of my particular issue featured a lot of Gretchen Bleiler.

Now in all of the years that I’ve received ESPN The Magazine, I feel pretty confident that Mrs. has never read or even looked at one single page. But this issue? Well she came downstairs with the mail and before I had even seen the cover she sat down on the couch and flipped through the entire issue. She claimed she was just making sure there was nothing inappropriate I would be seeing (it’s not clear who was checking to see if anything was inappropriate for her to be seeing). But I’m not sure how this explains the second time she went through it. If ESPN’s goal was to pique interest, mission accomplished.