Are We There Yet? - The Food Network Star Finale

Well tonight is the Food Network Star finale so let’s check in on the final three and what will happen if each is to win or lose this competition.

Jeff “The Sandwich King”

If he wins:

Susie Fogelson will squeal in delight. The sale of red headbands will skyrocket. And I’m sure we’ll tune in to watch Jeff’s show (Mrs. especially, since Jeff’s jumped up to #3 on her list, behind only Colin Firth and the dude from The Tudors who’s the new Superman, bumping me down to #4).

If he loses:

We’ll soon be watching the new Food Network show Bobby Flay – The Sandwich King. Hey, he’s on every other show, he might as well steal Jeff’s idea. But seriously, the judges love his point of view, so I continue to think Jeff will end up with his own show one way or the other. The only thing standing in his way is that they’ve given the two previous seasons’ runner-up (Adam & Tom) shows, and they may not have room in the payroll for another.


Susie “Spice It Up”

If she wins:

The judges will have gotten their wish since they’ve been pushing her to be the eventual winner since around episode 3. And Mrs. will have correctly predicted the winner. Her show seems like it will succeed, but I’m not sure how long we’ll tune in. We only gave the Aarti Paarti about ½ of one episode, so the good news for Susie is that we’ll probably give her the full one episode.

If she loses:

Unlike Jeff, I don’t think she’ll get a show if she loses. She doesn’t have the comedic chops to pull off a non-cooking show and I can’t see them awarding two cooking shows. I fear she will fall into Food Network Star obscurity and we won’t remember who she was two years from now.


Vic “Mama’s Boy”

If he wins:

The world as we know it will end. In this far-fetched outcome, Vic’s best-case scenario on the Food Network is an Aaron McCargo Jr. like career. So in other words, nothing to get excited about. Mrs. will not tune in to Mama’s Boy, but I might give it one watch . . . maybe.

If he loses:

He’ll drop the last name Moea about as fast as he added it at the judges’ insistence. Vegas tattoo parlors will rejoice. Vic “Vegas” will spit his time evenly between a Las Vegas kitchen, the gym, and in front of his mirror practicing “standing at attention”.


So what’s going to happen in this season’s finale?

It looks like they’re bringing back all of the former contestants, and since we’ll be reunited with all of the “losers” from this season some predictions about them:

Mrs. will definitely ask at some point “Who’s that? I don’t remember him/her.” And then I’ll explain that that was Jyll.

Penny will say something disparaging to one or all of the other contestants. But she’ll still manage a fake smiling hug for Mary Beth.

Justin D. will show up wearing a “Mama’s Boy” t-shirt (hey judges, I've settled on my point of view). And since I give credit where credit is due – that was a Mrs. joke, so kudos to her.

Chris will say something dumb.

Mary Beth will be wearing something that defies logic or explanation. Side note: following last week’s poll on the Food Network website ranking the fan favorites, this week’s poll was for least favorite contestant. The bottom 3: Penny (the runaway winner), Alicia, and of course Mary Beth. I really think the judges dropped the ball with Mary Beth.

Alicia will find a way to cry after being asked about the funniest thing that happened in the kitchen this season.

And as for the finalists:

We know they’ll be voting off one finalist after the first challenge, and that finalist will be Vic. It doesn’t matter how well he does, but luckily we know from past experience that he will self-destruct.

Vic and Susie are a lock to cry if they win (or if they get voted off for that matter).

I don’t see Jeff shedding tears either way. That man is a rock. In fact, he could make a sandwich out of a rock.

The judges will proclaim this was the “best set of finalists they’ve ever had” and “this was the toughest decision we’ve ever had to make on this show”. Early prediction for next season: They’ll say the same thing again.

Susie will be crowned this year’s “Star”.